fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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