Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize