Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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