i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
