he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
