If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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