I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
