So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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