Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
