Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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