Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
