She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
