Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
