Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
