you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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