We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
