Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
