guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
