Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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