the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
