I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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