i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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