my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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