I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
