i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
