just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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