Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
