Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
