and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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