He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
