I look better un-naked...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
