i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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