If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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