Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The uberlube is also flammable
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
