He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
