I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
