it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
