I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
