Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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