like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
