Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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