I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You may now shotgun with the bride
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
