Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
