Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
