Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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