is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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