You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize