i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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