you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I supernannyed him into submission
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
