Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
