I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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