chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize