if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
