So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We are all done wearing pants today
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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