I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
