the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
