We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
