how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
