its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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