If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
