Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
